Helen Isae Buzzkill, P.P.D.

Have you or a loved one ever been a victim of a victimless crime? Rest easy civilians knowing that Helen Buzzkill of the Phult0n Police Department is on the case. Non-doers beware - Helen Buzzkill will stop any fun, any time, any place. She'll do it nine times as effectively too, provided she has a deputy and the K-9 unit to back her up.

No nook of Phult0n is safe from the officer's watchful eye. Be it on private property or behind the gates of the Phult0n fair, Helen Buzzkill will touch any punk-son-of-a-bitch that needs touchin'. So don't cry to mommy when this cop gets in your way. Be the wiser man and cry to your mommy to tattle on some traitors and assure that justice prevails.

Help or not, the law will stand, and Helen Buzzkill will be its bringer. Through thick and thin, tough and easy, piss puddles and broken beer bottles, Helen will always find strength in knowing the risk is all just a part of putting on the uniform.